EMO AS HELL

London seen from above

Estou com aquele medo miudinho que vai crescendo dia após dia. Faltam 11 dias. Faltam 11 dias para sair de casa e começar uma vida independente num ambiente adulto, desconhecido e estrangeiro quando ainda não sou bem adulta. Faltam 11 dias para acabar o conforto de uma vida com a comida feita na mesa e a roupa lavada todos os dias. Faltam 11 dias para deixar de ver a minha família todos os dias e as pessoas todas que eu conheço. . .

Mas da mesma forma, faltam 11 dias para começar a universidade e a começar a formar uma pessoa respeitável e worth to live. 11 dias para a awesomeness of effin London - city of concerts and crazy wacko people.

É engraçado como eu passei o secundário todo com este objectivo, de estudar no estrangeiro numa Universidade boa, ou melhor, com essa fantasia pouco real e pouco meditada... nunca pensei que ia mesmo MESMO MESMO conseguir.

E já falta pouco para percorrer os corredores da minha casa, o caminho de casa até ao Pingo Doce, as ruelas inclinadas da baixa do Rossío, as estações de comboio obscuras e vazias, as ruas agora cheias de folhas de Outono com uma nostalgia... ainda por vir.

Portugal! Este país que por vezes me senti estrangeira mas que ao mesmo tempo me fez to curse quando a França nos ganhou DE NOVO no mundial de 2006.

blue

Sometimes I wish I had that thing that many bloggers have - to write fluently, uninterruptedly, beautifully without the need to proof read thousand times before pressing the publish button.
I seriously wish I could do that. That and express myself in a way that the reader might feel something when reading such phrasal constructions.
But I just sound phony.

Vacations are ending, sorta. Life changed. I've studied for the first time in my life like a student should study to resit 4 exams in a week. At that time I wished I had taken more time during the 3 years to study and have good grades... but awesomely, I don't know how, I managed to have pretty good grades and get accepted at my first choice (second counting MIT), that is Imperial College of London.
All sciency, all geeky, all everything that I think I want. Or not. I'm a strange person... Sometimes I think I made the wrong choice from the beginning and that I should've gone to do Fine Arts instead... not because I'm talented but because I love Arts. It's something that could mean nothing... empty brushstrokes or literally change your perception. I love Arts. It's something that requires hard work, a lot of thought, a lot of attitude and also a lot of "FUCK OFF, LEAVE ME ALONE." And I often think that I don't feel this kind of passion with Mathematics... Mathematics is beautiful, is pure, is so rational, so transcendent... but I can't help to think that I need something subjective, I need to create and do things that not everyone will understand through pure logic. I'm an artist at heart I guess and I still can't love maths as much as some people do... That breathe and live mathematics... I can't. I must find something to apply.
Or not. I don't know.
Somedays mathematics seems to be perfect, self sufficient on its' own. Other days it seems so empty and meaningless... Argh!

GONNA WATCH A FILM. <3